Monday, 5 December 2016

[ geek girl looking for nerdy supernatural ]


Dating has changed rather a lot since I was younger. There were rules and etiquette, things you had to do and things you absolutely did not do, as well as a long list of things to tick off as you went along.

Refreshingly, it's somewhat more build-your-own-adventure these days, and I'm quite taken with the idea that you can make things up as you go along.

However, dating is still weird, and I spend a reasonable amount of time being confused or rolling my eyes. So I've decided to put it out in the universe what I'm looking for and see how that pans out.

Obviously, hilarity will ensue. Let's not kid ourselves, I'm just Bridget Jones with better clothes, better hair, and more sarcasm. What could possibly go wrong?

***

Straight up, potential suitors, you should know the benefits of dating me. Because there are so very many. Of course. 

All meals can be shared. I eat seven times a day and portion sizes are out of control. I appreciate the idea of a burger as big as my head as much as the next person, but my ability to finish it is severely compromised by my size. 

So you will get to eat pretty much twice as much as usual, and never have to decide between dishes on a menu. Win-win right? 

Just so we are clear, however, please feed me first when it comes to dessert. Much like a small child, I will want to taste everything, even if I tell you I don't want to. Especially if I tell you I don't want to.

***

For such a complicated woman, I'm generally easily pleased.We all like high culture and being tossers over wine and opera and who knows the most about method acting (Me. Trust me, it's me).  

But, you know what's really nice? Sunny days, bad movies, too much ice cream, long drives and singing along to CD's. Super chilli hot laksas, texting each other stupid pictures or videos we found on the internet, debating conspiracy theories, trying to figure out where the water actually needs to go in my car (seriously though, can anyone help me with that...?).

Basically, I do need to be entertained, but I'm not high maintenance. Spend 75% of the time dangling shiny things in front of me, and the other 25% with tricky puzzles that will keep me occupied while you get some real work done. It's not rocket science.

Yup, you've got it; treat me like overly smart kitten and you're sorted.

***

I have a bunch of special skills and a bunch of trivial skills, both of which you will find alternately useful, frustrating and amusing.

My memory is exceptional. And I don't mean the usual fair-to-decent, I mean the razor-sharp-with-fangs kind. Admittedly, I can't always recall what I had for breakfast yesterday (there was coffee ok? Everything else is ancillary), but I can remember in vivid specifics the clothes you wore last month to your work conference.

I know where you left you car keys, reading book, glasses and passport. I know your brothers' birthday, your mothers' favourite colour, and that restaurant you went to one time 5 years ago and had the best dumplings ever.

Undoubtedly, you will discover my total recall borders on creepy and more than a little OCD (which I actually have), but the pros far outweigh the cons. It's not 100% failproof (how boring would that be?!), and when it comes to trying to remember what time we were meant to be at your sisters' baby shower and what we were meant to bring (Something with ducks. Don't ask.), you'll thank me. Over and over again.

***

I'm not a big fan of surprises (note; not spoilers, as this is a different thing entirely), so you won't constantly need to think of new and extravagant ways to impress me. Don't mistake me here, I love surprise chocolates (but a pint of Haagen Dazs will do as well, just quietly), flowers or random CD's of music, but big things kind of freak me out.

A weekend away to Queensland? Why? So I can get sunburnt, drink too much, die of boredom and see munchkins get off chops? No.

A Harbour Bridge Climb for us and your mates on a Sunday afternoon? Sure, because I totally love the idea of being in a confined space, harnessed to other people, with no ability to escape or get drunk. No. Hell, no.

Dinner on the beach at sunset with bocce and a bottle of Verve? Maybe some mutually agreed upon mischief after dark?

Why yes, that's my kind of surprise.

And in a total contradictory turn of events, I adore organising surprises, so don't feel like you would miss out. Another win, right?

***

The Notebook is not my favourite movie. It was lovely and romantic and all that, but my idea of romance is a little different. I may watch stuff like that if it's on, but I promise not to make you watch it or expect you to like it.

My favourite movie is Deadpool. Followed closely by Hot Fuzz. I do still occasionally like having my heart ripped out by classics like City of Angels, but I don't really do weepy girlie flicks where I'll cry into your shoulder and get snot on your favourite shirt.

Except Winters Tale. But I can only watch that once every few years. Book a work trip when that time comes around. 

***

I'm not obsessed with shopping. I do enjoy buying fun things, but it's not a special pastime. And to be honest, I'd rather you didn't come with me. I like bargains, so when I'm out I'm pretty focused. 

I don't want to spend 40 minutes debating if the colour mustard looks good on me (it doesn't), or if those towels would look good in your bathroom (who cares?). Unless you're my mother, the bride whom I'm bridesmaid to, or we have won lotto, you can breathe a sigh of relief and cross this firmly and happily off your companion-y duties. 

***

Barring Carrie-like dousings in public places, I don't do embarrassment or squeamishness. I barely do mildly awkward. 

Your messy bedroom will not worry me, your ripped pants will not offend. As long as you have made a genuine effort, I'm happy. I like horror movies, so forgotten moldy fruit in your kitchen is not going to make me squeal in disgust. 

It's generally preferred you don't get so off your face that I have to hold your hair back as you chuck your guts up, but a) it's not the worst thing you could do, and b) I don't drink that much any more, so you'll be delighted someone was there to do the holding of said hair. 

***

Being in my thirties means I have my own money, my own things, my own life.  

I like attention, but I don't need to know where you are every hour of everyday. Because of the uber memory, I already know you're at basketball training, so I really don't need you to check in like I'm some clingy, needy girlfriend. 

And while it's super lovely of you to offer to pay for things when we go out, I have my own money, so we can to go Dutch pretty much all the time. That being said, if you earn twice what I do, feel free to splurge on whatever you like. I will enjoy you enjoying it, and therefore we both get a kick out of it.

Please spend extra funds on cake. Just putting it out there. 

***

I am funny as hell. And so are you - we won't be dating otherwise. Nothing is sexier than someone who can make me laugh, and I like to think I have that quality too. Unfortunately, some of things things I do border the line between amusing and silly, but you'll get used to it and even start to enjoy it. 

If it's funny, I'll laugh and you totally can too. I'm not one of those girls who takes everything seriously, and gets worked up over what someone said to me at a party 5 months ago about her best friend's cousins wedding dress and how we should all be offended (kill me).

Honestly. Life is hard. Let's get cheeky and have a chuckle. 

***

Last but not least, I'm dynamic, flexible, and have a fluid learning curve. And yes, you can take that both literally and figuratively. 

I spent my teens and twenties being highly strung, sussing out who I really was, and largely getting comfortable in my own skin. There are still interesting things I find out about myself, but on the whole I'm confident in who and what I am. 

Which means I'll try anything once. Twice if I'm not sure if I liked it the first time. Trapeze classes in Mudgee? You're on. Blindfolded ice skating? Sounds dangerous; let's do it! Japanese cooking classes - in Japanese? Let's give it a whirl. 

Except for bungee jumping and eating cockroaches, you'll be hard pressed to suggest something I haven't at least considered. And if you like either of those, move it right along. 

***

The above is by no means exhaustive and should be considered guidelines only (you know, like the Pirate Code).

I'm total girlfriend material and come with lots of added extras, so this will hopefully be a snap, right?

If Madam or Monsieur Charming were wondering where I was, it was here; in Sydney, drinking too much coffee and trying not to walk into things.

Come find me. And bring something shiny ;)

~*LTM*~

























































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