Friday, 29 July 2016

[ 20 things you do when you're home alone ]

Generally we behave ourselves no matter who we live with; family, partner, housemates. It's common courtesy that shows you respect that this is their space as well.

But occasionally, a shooting star will cross, the planets will align, and you'll get an entire night at home to yourself.  At this time, your weirder self will unfurl, and all the quirky little habits we have come out to play. Here are some of the not-so-secret ones I know we all do...

1. No Pants Friday. Or Thursday. Or no clothes at all really.

2. Sitting on the furniture with said lack of clothes. And loving it.

3. Taking the rubbish out in your undies. It's to the back gate, no one can see you, who cares?

4. Binge watch a variety of shows on Netflix. No one else is home, I'll watch Gilmore Girls for 5 hours if I want!

5. Stand with the fridge door open for 10 minutes, dithering on whether you feel like juice or milk. Walk away and get a glass. Leave door open until you come back.

6. Eat cheese for dinner. A whole wheel. Then a packet of Tim Tams and half a bottle of wine. You're a grown up, no one is judging you. At least not face-to-face.

7. Spilt something on your top? No problem, you can lick that off. It didn't get dirty!

8. Walk around the house watching stupid crap on your phone for hours, laughing and bumping into furniture without feeling like an idiot.

9. Spy on the neighbours and make fun of them out loud.

10. Have entire conversations with yourself. Laugh at your own jokes.

11. Pee with the bathroom door open.

12. Use napkins as tissues and tissues as napkins. Leave them on the coffee table for hours.

13. Sing karaoke to yourself in the lounge room. Pretend you are in your favourite tv show, and act out all the characters, one at a time.

14. Take hundreds of 'casual' selfies in your best clothes and full make up. Lie on the floor in your pyjamas, scrolling through until you find the most 'natural'. Post with the caption 'random night out, haha!'.

15. Pamper yourself with all the beauty products at once. Walk around the house like you're in a day spa, chatting to other 'patrons'.

16. Reply to every single Tweet you find interesting. Starts arguments with people you don't know, but who have pissed you off for a while.

17. Stalk exes on Facebook. Stalk potential new partners as well.

18. Stare vaguely at the list of chores on the whiteboard. Firmly do none of them.

19. Fall asleep on the lounge. Drool like a puppy. Have the best nap ever.

20. Do nothing. Enjoy being smug about it.


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