Sunday, 26 October 2014
The last few weeks I have been trying to think up something to write about. I haven't blogged anything since well before I started the new job, and so much has happened since then.
It's not that I haven't anything to talk about, I have, it's just, well, is it interesting enough to share? And that got me thinking.
First of all, the new job is awesome. Once the initial glow of excitement and nervousness wore off, it turned out things were actually really as good as they seemed. I have this habit of tempering things with a small dose of (hopefully) healthy pragmatism; move with caution and make sure you pay attention. I discovered this wonderful sense of peace and rightness being where I was and am. Whatever worries I had about making such a big step proved themselves to be pretty fruitless. I've found my niche and I'm settling in for the long haul.
Then I got some bad news, and it felt like my perfect world had the floor collapse beneath it. I deal pretty well with other people's problems, but I tend to drop my bundle a little at my own. Then I pick myself up, dust myself off, and soldier on. Isn't that what everyone does?
Life throws punches at you left, right, and centre, but you have to keep moving. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; movement is life. Keep moving.
So, even though I feel a little bruised by the universe at the moment, I'm chugging along. Why? Well...
Charles de Lint really nailed it with that quote. I mean, big things have happened to me, but I haven't stopped believing. Not once, not for a second. There's a plan, paths for me to choose, and I plan on drinking the life straight from the source on every opportunity I can.
There are so many amazing things out there for you, and so many of them can seem as dull as dishwater. But life is made up of the in-between moments, the plain string that binds it all together, the home brand glue sticking the brilliant to the tragic to the joyous.
I guess what I'm saying is that between the exhilarating and the heartbreaking, I found my faith again. Which is funny, because I hadn't realised I'd lost it until it washed over me again. And it wasn't an earth shattering, mind-bending experience. It was a quiet pull at my heart strings, a shaft of sunlight on my skin, a desire to reconnect to everything and everyone.
The itch to do something life-affirming started a week ago. And with these sorts of things, it can take as long as it takes satisfy it. I started with a new tattoo.
And I wanted to put that out there. I got a hummingbird; the only bird that can fly backwards, forwards, and upside down. They have a high metabolism, are in constant motion, and are able to convert sugars consumed into energy at an amazing rate. Tiny little creatures, they achieve the most incredible feats. For me, they epitomise the mantra movement is life, a phrase I live by.
I wear my heart on my skin, and I'm beginning to feel more in touch with the great ebb and flow with every small action to reach forward. A tattoo may or may not seem a big deal to you, but to me, it feels like an affirmation, a prayer to renew myself.
So, there's no momentous occasion happening in my life right at this very second, but that's okay. because I'm treasuring the soft occasions. Dinners with friends, hugs from my Mum, kisses from my sweetheart. Somewhere in between all the big stuff, I've been lucky enough to enjoy the little stuff.